Why do I have to be crazy?

I pretend I don't care, but I pretend really badly.
I would like to propose we kill all those who damaged us. Who am I kidding? I'd forgive everyone in a split second. Do I cry so others know they hurt me? Do I cry because I need to? Do I cry because I'm crazy? This mess is killing me, this mess is drowning me; am I drowning myself? How do I stop this? Fuuuuck, I don't want to be here again. Could I find another shoe that fit if I needed to? Could I live barefoot forever? Everything is going to be ok, everything is going to be ok, everything is going to be ok. Nest-egg progress: 95%. Exam progress: 39%? Total progress: How the hell do I calculate that?! I hate this city, I hate the traffic, I hate the stressful speed, I hate everything. I miss having a home. I miss being really tiny and really smart and really loved. I miss not knowing the world was going to hate me since the day I put my foot outside my front door and into the evil social mess that is the world. I miss believing in myself. How did I go from "overachiever" to desperate housewife? How did I go from A+ to F-? How did I go from popular highschool girl to fat college failure? Why was I born with a "mess with me" sign on my forehead? Always scared of everyone, of everything, always on the sideline? It's going to get better, the cliché says. Is it? Ever? How? I've been here before, I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel and everything... just not a very bright light.